I scan the obituaries each day. I wouldn’t want to miss a funeral visitation for the parent of a childhood friend.
In actual fact, what we read in the classified section of the paper are death notices. They are different from obituaries. Obituaries are written as news stories by newspaper staff. Death notices are written by family or funeral home staff.
I had a somewhat humorous exchange with a young clergyman recently. I have known this fellow for a long time. He is so well suited for the job he does.
I pointed out that at over ninety cents a word, writing “ . . . left this earthly place and was met by the warm embrace of his redeemer and saviour” was much more expensive than saying, “died.” He chuckled. He then added, “Perhaps the family figures that if they can get it in print it would be tougher for St. Peter to deny him access to heaven.”
I laughed. I pictured the guy standing before the gates of heaven with a copy of the newspaper, pointing to the wording. “You have to let me in. It says so here.”
I suppose the alternative would be for St. Peter to have to admit that it was fake news. That would be putting him on the spot. “OK, fine. You can come in.”
Oh, the other one I like is, “ Johnny Bloggins, age 95, predeceased by his parents . . .” Predeceased? Really? Do you think you needed to include that? HE WAS 95!
That’s another dollar needlessly spent.
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